Je t'aime
by Achilles1011
Summary: Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est. Knowledge is Power. Science is derived from this word, and it should be able to save the woman she loves, but it might not be enough. Delphine's POV during the injection sequence from Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est.


She could see Cosima sitting on the stool, her normally relaxed and loose body become more and more tense as the seconds wore on. She could see Leekie pulling the bottle from the fridge before frowning slightly and turning back towards them. "We're going to need you to take off your lab coat Cosima."

She could see Cosima hesitate for a moment before she nodded, her head moving up and down in a stiff, almost robotic motion. Delphine could only hesitate, wanting to reach out and offer Cosima comfort, but she was unsure if it would be welcome or not.

Cosima still shied away from her when they were in public something that she was not sure whether to interpret simply as professional distance or something much more, and much worse.

Delphine could see Leekie walking around the lab, muttering something to himself, before a small ahaha escaping from him as he pulled out a box of hypodermic needles. She could see Cosima's body freeze up and her eyes dart away, beginning to look around the room, almost as if she was afraid of them.

She could not recall reading anything about Cosima ever being afraid of needles. She had not been afraid when she asked Delphine to draw blood that horrible night they had found out about the patent and Cosima had let it slip that she was ill. So what was it?

What was going on?

"This is only going to be a small dose. To test and see how you react to it, alright Cosima?"

Delphine could see her nod again, that same mechanical nod. She could see Cosima's body becoming more and more tense with each passing moment. Delphine could see the thin worry line on Cosima's forehead, her eyebrows drawn upward as her mind computes the possible side-effects of injecting these stem-cells into her.

It was hard to know. Delphine knew that there could be a laundry list of side-effects of the injection, at best it would not react, perhaps the stem-cells would be well tolerated and her body would not mount an immune response. At worst… Delphine shuddered a little, trying not to think about the worst potential outcome for the stem-cells that Aldous was preparing to inject into her girlfriend.

"I'll be back in a moment alright?" Delphine looked up to see him smile at Cosima in what she was sure his attempt at being reassuring. "Forgot the cotton balls."

Merde.

She could see Aldous turn around and walk out of the room, heading towards the medical ward no doubt. Glancing over at the hypodermic needles he had pulled out as well as the bottle of isopropyl alcohol she could not but help wonder if he had planned this from the start.

Perhaps she should have been more suspicious of having received that information on the stem-cells.

_After all Dr. Cormier, we need 324B21 as healthy as possible. _

She could almost hear him whispering those words into her ear, and a shudder ran down her spine at the thought.

"Delphine…" She could hear the tremor in Cosima's voice as she called out her name, so different from her usual tone. As she turned around she could see that Cosima was vibrating on the stool, her body shaking.

Est-elle froid?

Non…

Nervous.

"It will be alright Cosima." She whispered as she moved closer to Cosima, once again she was tempted to reach out and hold the trembling and clenched hand, and once again she had to resist the urge.

"I…" Delphine couldn't help but stare. She had only seen Cosima like this once before, when she had been about to tell her about the disease that now haunted her body.

There were a thousand things she wanted to say to reassure Cosima, but she knew they would not be welcome. Their working relationship may have improved exponentially quickly in fact because it had long ago surpassed their personal relationship in terms of the level of comfort Cosima could exhibit.

Here, when they were at DYAD, she was comfortable, "in her element" she had been told the expression was. Within these walls, of the company that owned her, and they were both deceiving (although each in their own way, even though she never wanted to admit this), she was comfortable, at home, in her domain, when she could bury herself in the science. Where it provided a distraction from the creeping illness that was slowly beginning to overwhelm Cosima's body.

She knew Cosima did not think she had noticed, that she was a little slower to react, a little less energetic, less apt to walk around a room and make her presence felt. Some days she would pause, coughing and gasping for breath, and others were like today when she seemed energetic and alive.

But Delphine knew that soon enough those days where she was gasping for breath as her lungs filled with blood, the constant cough, and the rattle in her breath in between.

She knew that Cosima was slowly dying. It became more and more obvious each day that passed as her energy waned and the coughing increased in frequency.

As did the blood.

The deep scarlet blood.

But still it was life, and it was a still beating heart, a still functioning brain.

But it was probably the worst during the night, after the sun had faded and after they had gone to sleep in their shared bed.

As she was kept up at night, listening to Cosima breathe, the rattle in her breath a constant remind that she was sick, and that she was becoming more and more ill.

But it was also a reminder that she was still alive.

It was a reminder that for each wheeze she heard, each rattle in her lover's chest, it was also a warm puff of air against her neck, against her chest, her cheek or her lips. It was another heartbeat, another push to circulate the blood that kept her alive and might also be killing her. It was another time her failing lungs preformed the gas exchange, and it was a transfer of oxygen in and carbon dioxide out.

It was another day that she didn't lose her love.

At this point it was all she could ask for.

"Cosima are you ready to begin?" Delphine's thoughts were broken as Aldous entered the room once again, a bag of cotton balls gripped in one of his hands, and a box of blue gloves held in the other.

The only response that Cosima gave was yet another mute nod. She could almost see Cosima's mind working, trying to analyze what was happening to her and what _could_ happen to her in the near future.

_Great scott I've created life itself!_

The last time they had been in this room Cosima had been joking around, she had been relaxed and she had been herself.

Now?

She could only just recognize the woman as the person that she had fallen in love with.

She could only hope to even begin to understand what was going through Cosima's mind.

She can see Cosima look up at her, directly into her eyes, the brown ones staring into hers begging her to do or say something. They looked like that awful night that Cosima had told her the truth, only far more guarded and in control, was it because of her? Because Leekie was here?

Cosima still wondered if she could trust her. She had been cooler, more closed off then she had been in the past, and for that Delphine could hardly blame her, she used Cosima just as Cosima used her.

But here?

Those eyes staring into her own?

The walls that Cosima had built up since she had found out who she truly was, and especially since Jennifer, she could see them beginning to crumble slightly.

Invisible to anyone who did not know Cosima, did not know what she was like outside of this place and outside of this situation.

Slowly she cocked her head to the side slightly, asking the question she could not voice aloud, waiting for consent from the woman that she loved to touch her.

She could see Cosima hesitate for a moment before her head bobbed up and down, almost imperceptibly.

She glanced over at Leekie, Delphine could see him pulling a pair of gloves out of the container, snapping them on quickly and efficiently. She could feel her eyes quickly pulled back towards Cosima when she saw movement out of the corner of them.

Cosima had tensed up even more if that was even possible.

Smiling gently Delphine walked over to Cosima, reaching out as she moved closer to her she allowed one of her hands to drift up and down Cosima's back in a movement that had offered comfort to her before.

She could suddenly smell the alcohol that would be used to clean her arm as the container was opened. Forcing herself to breath through her mouth Delphine pressed herself closer to Cosima, her other hand moving around to the woman's back, wrapping her in a loose embrace.

She could feel Cosima tense in her arms, her head suddenly on her shoulder, her breath warm through the thin layer of protection that her shirt offered.

Quoi?

For a moment she did not understand why Cosima was suddenly leaning on her but when she looked down it clicked. She could see Aldous patting the cotton ball against her upper arm lightly, almost as if he was scared of hurting her.

It was far more delicacy then she had ever seen him use on the other patients that she had seen him work on. This was almost a kind of reverence, a kind of… love.

She knew he cared about the clones, even if it was only in his own twisted way.

She could hear a small quiet whimper escape from the woman leaning against her shoulder. For a single second she did not understand until she realized that Cosima's face was not hidden in her shoulder anymore, but glancing over at the needle, still capped, and the vial in Aldous' hands.

Crouching down slightly Delphine put two fingers under Cosima's chin and guided her to look into her eyes. She could see them watering slightly, barely perceptibly, but still it was there.

Angling her head up slightly she pressed a kiss to Cosima's forehead, leaning her nose against her hair for a brief moment.

All she wanted to say was "I love you. I'm here. I'll always be here."

But she didn't dare utter the words for they would more then likely make the situation with both Cosima and Aldous far more awkward then it needed to be. Aldous knew she was invested, she had told him as much when she had all but slammed the vial of blood down on the desk.

But he did not know that she was _in love_ with the woman. He knew she was 'pretending' to be her girlfriend, he had all but told her to do as much.

And Cosima…

Well Cosima was still not aware that she had betrayed her yet again. That she had given the vial to blood to Leekie against her wishes, and if she found out…

Well it would only be another piece of ammunition for Cosima to throw back at her, another way for her to destroy her heart.

But that also did not change her feelings. Her need to protect this woman from anything and everything, including herself if it came down to that.

"Ma chère. Do not look at him or the needle, just look at me alright?" She whispers into her ear as she press her forehead against the side of Cosima's. Her eyes glancing over at Aldous as he pulled the hypodermic needle out of it's protective case.

Bending down Delphine pressed her forehead against Cosima's, gently brushing their noses together briefly, one of her hands running over Cosima's cheek. She was doing everything she could think of.

Using any touch that she could remember having used to try and soothe the brunette during those darker moments, and during the lighter ones as well. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to Cosima's shoulder as she grabbed her free hand, the one not clenched in her lap, with both of hers.

Looking over at Leekie, Delphine can see him nod slightly as he flicks the needle; it is so much smaller then it looks. She could swear that if she strained her ears hard enough she could hear the sound of Aldous' finger flicking at the needle, a soft sound, but an unmistakable one.

She could see him nod again as he pushed on the plunger, removing the last of the air bubbles that may have been trapped within the needle.

When her gaze drifted upward to meet Aldous' the only thing in his eyes that she could read was a direction that was loud and clear.

_Distract her._

_Calm her down_.

She could feel the small tremors of Cosima's body as it was pressed against her own. She knew her lover was nervous, that even without wanting to admit it she was scared of what could happen, and of what these injections could mean.

Whether they could be the cure they had been hoping for.

Or the harbinger of their destruction, a poison that would only be discovered post-mortem.

She could feel bile rising up at the thought, and at the prospect of what they might make her do. She could not preform an autopsy on her lover.

Moving her head upward once again she presses her lips against Cosima's ear. She can only hope that Aldous does not hear her when she whispers these words into her love's ear, just as she can only hope that Cosima does not know enough French to understand them, at least not yet.

"Je t'aime, mon amour." She whispers into Cosima's ear as the needle plunges into her skin, and Leekie slowly begins to press the plunger in. Delphine can feel her hand being squeezed tightly, nearly cutting of the circulation, as she pulls back, and moves to sit on the cold metal of the table beside her lover, their joined hand cradled in her own.

The grip Cosima has on her hand never loosens, but she can see Cosima's eyes open a little wider as her head moves to look down at the needle containing the stem-cells. Delphine could see the fascination in her eyes, as well as something deeper.

Perhaps it was finally hitting Cosima that she truly was ill, and that she was in need of help, of treatment because even between the two of them they could not make it better on their own.

Je t'aime, Cosima.

I love you.

Words that she was still far too cowardly to speak in the language that her lover understands, and yet brave enough to whisper them in her mother tongue. It was a cruel irony that she could not tell the woman she loved the reason that she was doing all of this, and was willing to risk so much more.

If only Cosima knew the extent that DYAD could go to if they ever found out that they were actively working against them.

She would shudder visibly if she could, but right now Cosima needed her to be brave, she needed one of them to be. Although even right now, with her hand in a death grip Cosima was still the stronger of the two of them, still the braver and more resolute one.

"Just an intradermal test to see how your body responds." Aldous explains once again as he pulls the needle out of Cosima's arm, the injection over far faster then it seemed to have taken.

"I guess if my arm falls off we'll know."

"Or if you grow another limb." Delphine quips back. She could see the smile on Cosima's lips grow, a small "yeah" escaping from her with a little bit of laughter. She couldn't help but smile, at Cosima's smile.

But she knew the tension was not gone from her lover because the hand that Cosima held still had that tight grip on it she'd had since the beginning of the injection.

Delphine could only feel Cosima's grip on her hand tighten as she turned to face Aldous. "Oh Dr. Leekie in light of what you've shared with us earlier, we have a proposition for you."

Delphine could feel the wheels in her mind beginning to turn as she tried to figure out what Cosima meant when she spoke, but she could only draw a blank. They had not talked about offering Leekie anything, about making a deal with him. The only information that they had to hold over DYAD was the patent that was embedded in the clones DNA.

But that could not be it.

"We do?" She finally decided to ask.

"Not us." She could see Cosima smile up at her, but is was one that did not quite reach her eyes, she could still feel that tight grip on her hand, as Cosima squeeze it quickly.

"Us." The way Cosima spoke it was light and airy, as if it had no special meaning, but Delphine could feel the weight of the words all to heavily. Sarah, she meant Sarah had a proposition for Leekie and Cosima was acting as the messenger.

"I'm all ears." She knew that tone far to well, and it was one that rarely lead to good things for anyone involved.

"We want to know if you like to drink beer." She cannot help but sit up a little straighter as Delphine tries to figure out what that means, and what that means for _them_. This was a dangerous game that Cosima was playing, hinting and implying but necessarily stating outright that she was involved with Sarah once again.

Merde.

She had been kept out of the loop once again, although as she glanced down at Cosima she felt her hand being squeezed once again. Looking up slightly from the back of Cosima's head she could see Aldous' eyes widen slightly, almost imperceptibly before he nodded and smiled.

"I think we can work something out."

"Alright then." She could see Leekie stand-up, and gesture for them to follow him out.

"Dr. Cormier? Please follow standard procedure for post-injection monitoring." She could see his eyes scan around the room before he lower his voice. "And try to keep this 'on the down low.' As the kids say."

Delphine nodded once before she stood up from where she had been sitting on the metal lab table. "Cosima?"

Delphine could see Cosima's eyes drifting around the room, a little lost in thought but they sharpened again once Aldous had walked out of his lab.

"So… that happened."

"Oui. It did."

"I guess this saves me from enduring your needles again."

"I am good at giving needles!"

"Tell that to my right elbow. Why did you even have so many blood draw kits with you to begin with?" Delphine wanted to open her mouth before she closed it again.

It would be hard to explain why she had a medical kit in her apartment to begin with. "I was in a bit of a rush."

"I know. Now what do you say to getting out of here and getting some pizza?"

Delphine sighed before she shook her head and smiled. "What do you say we go and relax in your 'chill zone' for a little while, we need to ensure that you are not going to start growing something…"

"Or losing it."

"Oui, or losing something you are not supposed to."

And here they had access to medical equipment that she was sure she would never have a hope of retrieving in and around Felix's apartment. Especially the access to the AED and other drugs, as well as the personnel, they would need to revive Cosima if something happened to her because of a response to the stem-cells.

"Then let's go to the lab. I promised Scott we would call him again tonight because it's his stupid D&D night, and I said I would be a part of it a long time ago."

"D&D?"

"The ultimate nerd game. C'mon Dr. Cormier how can you say that you're a nerd if you've never even heard of it?"

Because it probably has a different name in French?

More then likely she would recognize it when she saw it.

She could hear Cosima's laugh again, a more genuine and stress free one this time. "C'mon. Let's go back to the frontier of old shall we?"

Nodding Delphine couldn't help but smile in return at Cosima, who was dragging her along by their joined hand, the one that she had not let go of since the injection.

But just as they reached the entrance she felt Cosima stop and turn around to face her, a serious expression on her face. "I know what you whispered in my ear Delphine."

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**A/N: Thank-you so much for taking the time to read this as well as the reviews that everyone has left, they are always welcome and appreciated as well as constructive criticism and ways by which to improve. Thank-you as well for the favourites and the follows.**


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